She is in such a good mood tonight. Thanks to the physical therapy, she is already so much more mobile, and I think that it is giving her confidence a real boost.
She just watched an adorable rom-com with David and me, and is resting in bed for a few hours now.
Her iphone came (Thanks, Pete!) and she got to see using a facetoface talk app, Jeanie (and kids) and Pete. She LOVED it!
Chelle had an amazing idea about how to get the shower happening - which I will put in practice tomorrow evening when both men are available to help me if I need help. (I was going to do it tonight, but Mommy is so tired from all the exertion and so am I. It's been a long day.)
All in all - life is very good right now, and I think that it is all the prayers (and positive thoughts) that people put in for us. Thank you all.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Before and After/Mom and Me
Not much time this morning as the physical therapist will be here at 1:00 - in just over an hour from when I'm typing this.
But, I'm so behind I wanted to take a quick minute to let you all know what's the nurse and other physical therapist visit were like.
The nurse evaluated Mom and asked her only a couple questions, I think that the "What month is this?" question that he asked while standing in front of the Christmas tree was pretty telling. She thought and thought while she looked at him (standing right in front of the Christmas tree), and he repeated the question a few times, and then she said, "Well, I guess I don't know." I think that the tree could have given her a hint once upon a time when her brain was working like it used to. Lol.
He told me that he's recommending to the doctor that we schedule nurse visits a few times a week, but it will be the doctor who makes the final call on that. He also checked the soft spot on her backside that I've been concerned about and confirmed that it is the start of a bed sore and I MUST make her get up and roll her over and not let her sleep and/or stay in one spot for hours and hours as I've been letting her.
I cringed to hear that because as you all know, I am very softhearted and very sensitive and the idea of making Mommy do things that she doesn't want to do terrifies me. But, the idea of dealing with a full-fledged bedsore is slightly more terrifying.
The result of that is that Mom is getting moved every few hours whether she likes it or not, and she does NOT like it.
Yesterday, she explained to me that she doesn't love me anymore. :-(
So, here are my before and after pictures.
Before:
After:
Don't worry :-) I am feeling better today, but I don't have a "today" picture.
The physical therapist gave me additional things to do with mom, adding to what the nurse already outlined, and explained that if she isn't walking herself - using the walker - in six weeks, the physical therapy will end. So, we got to do what they say, Mommy, and that is that. And, I have been doing everything even though Mom does not like (see above pic of me crying and being a baby because she hurt my feelings).
However, I think it is worth it because look at HER after picture - even if she is looking a little grumpy. After only two days of doing what the nurse and physical therapist said, we have this:
But, I'm so behind I wanted to take a quick minute to let you all know what's the nurse and other physical therapist visit were like.
The nurse evaluated Mom and asked her only a couple questions, I think that the "What month is this?" question that he asked while standing in front of the Christmas tree was pretty telling. She thought and thought while she looked at him (standing right in front of the Christmas tree), and he repeated the question a few times, and then she said, "Well, I guess I don't know." I think that the tree could have given her a hint once upon a time when her brain was working like it used to. Lol.
He told me that he's recommending to the doctor that we schedule nurse visits a few times a week, but it will be the doctor who makes the final call on that. He also checked the soft spot on her backside that I've been concerned about and confirmed that it is the start of a bed sore and I MUST make her get up and roll her over and not let her sleep and/or stay in one spot for hours and hours as I've been letting her.
I cringed to hear that because as you all know, I am very softhearted and very sensitive and the idea of making Mommy do things that she doesn't want to do terrifies me. But, the idea of dealing with a full-fledged bedsore is slightly more terrifying.
The result of that is that Mom is getting moved every few hours whether she likes it or not, and she does NOT like it.
Yesterday, she explained to me that she doesn't love me anymore. :-(
So, here are my before and after pictures.
Before:
Don't worry :-) I am feeling better today, but I don't have a "today" picture.
The physical therapist gave me additional things to do with mom, adding to what the nurse already outlined, and explained that if she isn't walking herself - using the walker - in six weeks, the physical therapy will end. So, we got to do what they say, Mommy, and that is that. And, I have been doing everything even though Mom does not like (see above pic of me crying and being a baby because she hurt my feelings).
However, I think it is worth it because look at HER after picture - even if she is looking a little grumpy. After only two days of doing what the nurse and physical therapist said, we have this:
She's watching "You've Got Mail" for the fourth in as many days :-)
And, here's another shot:
There is certainly a marked improvement, and I hope it shows in the photos as well as I can see it in person.
She looks as good supporting herself as she did when she had the extra support of the corset! So, must get off here to get ready for the physical therapist, . . Time is not my friend . . . But, hope this gives ya'll an idea of where we are and, as always, your prayers are really appreciated.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Home Visits (and music box magic)
I've been really depressed over the last few days as I've not had any idea what I should be doing with Mommy and what I shouldn't be doing.
I remember, years ago, telling God that if He would just plainly tell me what I should do, I would do that thing. This is when Stephan and I had just realized that Stephan would never pass his oral exams at Baptist Bible College if he didn't believe at the time of those exams- if I remember correctly - that sign gifts stopped at the end of the second century and that the rapture would for sure, no other possibility occur before a seven year tribulation. For both these things, we felt the proof-texting and required extra Biblical supports made for a very uncertain certainty, and we could NOT say we believed those things. We could only say that we thought that they were possibilities among other likely possibilities.
At that time, our whole life was in flux, and we didn't know what God wanted from us, and we were both just wanting to do what was right, to be good, but how to "be good" wasn't clear-cut and simple. Instead, it was all complex and confusing, and it involved making decisions without actually being positive which path was the right one. We were like the man in the Lady or the Tiger only we didn't have the confidence to "turn with firm and rapid step" when we chose which doors to open in our lives, we always walked instead with faltering steps and many missteps and opened a lot of the wrong doors.
Through all this, I often thought to myself, if I just had clear instructions, I would do what I needed to do. I would be obedient. I would do whatever I was supposed to do.
That's the same way I felt about caring for Mommy. If I just had a checklist and knew exactly what I was supposed to do, I thought, I would do that thing.
Yesterday as I sat in Mommy's room while she slept and used a flashlight to read my prayerbook and to pray my prayers and brought these concerns before God, my prayer was answered.
The phone rang, and the home visits that the Doctor ordered for Mommy were about to begin.
The nurse on the phone asked if he could stop by in about thirty-five minutes. "YES," I said, "OH YES, come right away." And, he did. He is a nurse, and he knew what to do, and I got my checklists and a few hours later a physical therapist came who did all kinds of exercises and gave me all kinds of tips and who had even more details about how to help Mommy.
We're going to be okay. We've got some direction.
And, we've also discovered that Mommy loves our Christmas music box. This was a gift from Stephan's mom several years ago, and I play it a lot over the holidays. This year, I am already - after only one day of use - playing it more than ever.
I've posted the video on youtube (for that click here) as well so that those of you whose browsers won't play videos on this blog can enjoy this as well.
I remember, years ago, telling God that if He would just plainly tell me what I should do, I would do that thing. This is when Stephan and I had just realized that Stephan would never pass his oral exams at Baptist Bible College if he didn't believe at the time of those exams- if I remember correctly - that sign gifts stopped at the end of the second century and that the rapture would for sure, no other possibility occur before a seven year tribulation. For both these things, we felt the proof-texting and required extra Biblical supports made for a very uncertain certainty, and we could NOT say we believed those things. We could only say that we thought that they were possibilities among other likely possibilities.
At that time, our whole life was in flux, and we didn't know what God wanted from us, and we were both just wanting to do what was right, to be good, but how to "be good" wasn't clear-cut and simple. Instead, it was all complex and confusing, and it involved making decisions without actually being positive which path was the right one. We were like the man in the Lady or the Tiger only we didn't have the confidence to "turn with firm and rapid step" when we chose which doors to open in our lives, we always walked instead with faltering steps and many missteps and opened a lot of the wrong doors.
Through all this, I often thought to myself, if I just had clear instructions, I would do what I needed to do. I would be obedient. I would do whatever I was supposed to do.
That's the same way I felt about caring for Mommy. If I just had a checklist and knew exactly what I was supposed to do, I thought, I would do that thing.
Yesterday as I sat in Mommy's room while she slept and used a flashlight to read my prayerbook and to pray my prayers and brought these concerns before God, my prayer was answered.
The phone rang, and the home visits that the Doctor ordered for Mommy were about to begin.
The nurse on the phone asked if he could stop by in about thirty-five minutes. "YES," I said, "OH YES, come right away." And, he did. He is a nurse, and he knew what to do, and I got my checklists and a few hours later a physical therapist came who did all kinds of exercises and gave me all kinds of tips and who had even more details about how to help Mommy.
We're going to be okay. We've got some direction.
And, we've also discovered that Mommy loves our Christmas music box. This was a gift from Stephan's mom several years ago, and I play it a lot over the holidays. This year, I am already - after only one day of use - playing it more than ever.
I've posted the video on youtube (for that click here) as well so that those of you whose browsers won't play videos on this blog can enjoy this as well.
posts I didn't write
I didn't write the posts over the last few days about moaning and grumping that one of Mom's legs was all swollen up (I think because I was lying her flat at night to guard against contractures), and I didn't write about that I thought that there looked like there might be a soft spot starting on her backside that could turn into a full-fledged bedsore (again probably because I was laying her flat at night to guard against contractures).
I also didn't write the posts over the last few days where she flat refused to get out of bed and was generally grumpy and upset. I didn't write about how Jeanie was right and that the glow would wear off, and Mommy would become used to me and then she wouldn't do what I asked so easily.
Somehow, Mommy knows - somewhere deep down - who the person is who is caring for her on a daily basis and she behaves WAY, way, WAY, better for others. Jeanie, of course, noted this - you can't help but note it if you are the person who she lets herself be grumpy at and you are not the person who she is on her best behavior for. And, like the amazing and kind sister that she is, Jeanie warned me about it. And, I took her warning to heart. However, believing something will happen and experiencing it are two different things, and my heart has broken as Mommy has become more comfortable with me and so fusses at me more when I try to help her.
If I get fussed at, I cry. As I've told you all before, I've got to grow up, a 47 year old woman can't burst into tears because somebody tells her she is doing it all wrong or that she is driving them crazy. You've got to grow up sometime, and my time must be now.
In addition to all that, I didn't write that I had some kind of bug that gave me an earache and made me sleepy, and I wasn't in the best spirits myself.
Nobody really wants to write about the failures and the discouragements, at least I don't. But, I suppose that I should get used to it because there is going to be a lot of discouragement as this horrible disease steals more and more of our mother from us.
However, as I'm about to write, not everything over the last few days was bad.
I also didn't write the posts over the last few days where she flat refused to get out of bed and was generally grumpy and upset. I didn't write about how Jeanie was right and that the glow would wear off, and Mommy would become used to me and then she wouldn't do what I asked so easily.
Somehow, Mommy knows - somewhere deep down - who the person is who is caring for her on a daily basis and she behaves WAY, way, WAY, better for others. Jeanie, of course, noted this - you can't help but note it if you are the person who she lets herself be grumpy at and you are not the person who she is on her best behavior for. And, like the amazing and kind sister that she is, Jeanie warned me about it. And, I took her warning to heart. However, believing something will happen and experiencing it are two different things, and my heart has broken as Mommy has become more comfortable with me and so fusses at me more when I try to help her.
If I get fussed at, I cry. As I've told you all before, I've got to grow up, a 47 year old woman can't burst into tears because somebody tells her she is doing it all wrong or that she is driving them crazy. You've got to grow up sometime, and my time must be now.
In addition to all that, I didn't write that I had some kind of bug that gave me an earache and made me sleepy, and I wasn't in the best spirits myself.
Nobody really wants to write about the failures and the discouragements, at least I don't. But, I suppose that I should get used to it because there is going to be a lot of discouragement as this horrible disease steals more and more of our mother from us.
However, as I'm about to write, not everything over the last few days was bad.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Letter writing
Since Mommy likes getting letters so much, I thought she might like to send one. The above pic is us working on that.
Yesterday, I finally made the applesauce recipe that Aunt Bonnie shared with me, and Mom LOVED it. (So do I, in fact. It is perfection.) The four apples made enough for three morning breakfasts for mom (at about 130 grams each serving) as well as some for me to sneak on the side. She had good, homemade applesauce yesterday instead of Gerber food (which is good too, but . . . ) She had the good stuff again today, and there is 135 grams in the fridge for tomorrow.
I was going to call Aunt Bonnie to tell her that it turned out wonderful and that Mommy loves it, but then I thought that it might be a good occasion to write a letter with Mommy. She dictated the part where she says: "I thought it was delicious," and she really meant it when she said it. I'm seeing if she'll be able to sign her name to the card. She probably won't. I've given her a couple pens to try so far, but about them she said: "I just know that he won't be able to use them." She's reverted to quite often referring to almost everyone with the pronoun "he" - even herself.
So, I switched to crayons as I think that the memories for using crayons are deeper in a person's life experience, but she doesn't seem very interested. (Maybe I might make a copy of the above photo and enclose it so that Aunt Bonnie will see how much Mommy loved the picture on the card.)
Here is the picture on the card.
The doodlings are all mine. I was trying to prime the pump, but I think the well might be dry this morning.
Yesterday the doctor said I could give Mom up to 3000 mg of Tylenol per day, so I ground up 1,000 mg with her vitamins in a few spoons of that applesauce this morning. I'm hoping that in a few minutes she'll be able to be moved out of bed without having so much pain. (She didn't wake up until 9:30 -I was up reading aloud to her until after 1:00 AM last night, and she was still wide awake when I turned out the light - so getting out of bed by 11:30 seems an appropriate goal. I'll let you know if we meet it.)
Friday, December 5, 2014
"horrible no good very bad day" - that was yesterday, but today has been quite good
Yesterday, Mommy had a really bad day. At one point, she said to me: "Would you please just go and get Ike," and I was so shocked that I stood there without saying anything - I think without breathing - for I don't know how long before I finally thought to say, "He's not here right now, Mommy."
I went into the kitchen and cried for a long time. I'd probably still be crying now, but I got interrupted - by a phone call from David. He's good to his mother.
I'm not sure what makes the days go well or go badly. But, in retrospect, I think I should have taken Jeanie's advice yesterday, and just got her out of bed whether she liked it or not. That's what I did today, and the day went much better.
Both yesterday morning and this morning, when I tried to exercise her feet she said it hurt so badly that she couldn't stand it, and yesterday, I let her rest. She didn't get out of bed all day long. I think that lying still like that - she wouldn't let me do any exercises. She fought against them, and that made the pain so much worse. Anyway, I think that just being immobile like that made the aches worse instead of better. (I was hoping a little rest would ease the aches. Didn't happen.) Today, I got her out of bed and put her on the commode without bothering to ask if she felt like it. I just did it. I have to learn to stop asking her things and to just do what I know is right. If she's anything like I am, she probably doesn't really know what she wants, but as soon as she voices a choice, that is IT. There is no going back.
Today, I called the doctor and found out that I am allowed to give her up to 3,000 mg of Tylenol on a daily basis. I've been giving her under 500. (No wonder she hurts :-( I was not giving her enough medication to touch the pain.)
The doctor's office is also contacting a physical therapist home visit person to see if we can get someone to give me help and instruct us about how to help Mommy retain her mobility since the Allegheny Agency on the Aging in processing may take several more months. After she's in-processed, they will provide physical therapy home visits. (I called about getting something in the interim on Pete's suggestion.)
To make life nicer for both Mommy and me, we took a little bit of a break today and put up the Christmas tree. She loved it. And, I did too. It makes the room so happy. Maybe it's a little less effort to be happy when there is Christmas tree only a few feet away?
I went into the kitchen and cried for a long time. I'd probably still be crying now, but I got interrupted - by a phone call from David. He's good to his mother.
I'm not sure what makes the days go well or go badly. But, in retrospect, I think I should have taken Jeanie's advice yesterday, and just got her out of bed whether she liked it or not. That's what I did today, and the day went much better.
Both yesterday morning and this morning, when I tried to exercise her feet she said it hurt so badly that she couldn't stand it, and yesterday, I let her rest. She didn't get out of bed all day long. I think that lying still like that - she wouldn't let me do any exercises. She fought against them, and that made the pain so much worse. Anyway, I think that just being immobile like that made the aches worse instead of better. (I was hoping a little rest would ease the aches. Didn't happen.) Today, I got her out of bed and put her on the commode without bothering to ask if she felt like it. I just did it. I have to learn to stop asking her things and to just do what I know is right. If she's anything like I am, she probably doesn't really know what she wants, but as soon as she voices a choice, that is IT. There is no going back.
Today, I called the doctor and found out that I am allowed to give her up to 3,000 mg of Tylenol on a daily basis. I've been giving her under 500. (No wonder she hurts :-( I was not giving her enough medication to touch the pain.)
The doctor's office is also contacting a physical therapist home visit person to see if we can get someone to give me help and instruct us about how to help Mommy retain her mobility since the Allegheny Agency on the Aging in processing may take several more months. After she's in-processed, they will provide physical therapy home visits. (I called about getting something in the interim on Pete's suggestion.)
To make life nicer for both Mommy and me, we took a little bit of a break today and put up the Christmas tree. She loved it. And, I did too. It makes the room so happy. Maybe it's a little less effort to be happy when there is Christmas tree only a few feet away?
Christmas Tree!
A couple of days ago, Amanda and I decided to ask Mommy if she'd like the Christmas Tree to be in her room. We asked, and she said she'd like that. So, we're going with it.
Here's a video of what the tree looks like today after I got it set up and lit up. Mommy really seems to love looking at it.
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