Light and Shadow

Marilyn O'Connor, Cold Creek Cabin

I always loved this picture of mom, but it wasn't her favorite.  However, I think it fits with the video I took yesterday of the sun streaming into our shadowy kitchen.

The sun is shining on her here, more than sixty years ago, and it still shines on her today.

To see the video of mom enjoying the almost-spring sunshine in the kitchen yesterday, click here.

(Note:  Her hair looks a little funny in the video.  I'm giving her a dry scalp treatment.)

More Mommy Pictures

Yesterday, Mommy had to sign her name FOUR times, and the man who was here for her to fill out the paperwork was so kind and so relaxed that Mommy actually didn't stress over it very much at all.

It helped too, I'm sure, that she was in surroundings that have become a comfort-zone to her.  The last time I tried to have her sign her name was at a doctor's office where I was stressed out, and I know she picks up on that.  (Of course, she was still troubled that she couldn't write "very well" . . . and she kept saying things like, "I don't know when I got so bad," or "I'm not doing this very well.")

However, she wrote "Marilyn" with beautiful penmanship twice.  Then, the third time she said, "Should I write the other one too?" and the man said, "If you want to you can, but you don't have to."  So, the third signature Mommy wrote: "Marilyn O'Connor."  She wrote it beautifully.  At that moment, her mind was back somewhere before the above photo.  She was a little girl writing out her name with a perfect, well-formed, although just a bit shaky, hand.

Something must have started troubling her though, because for her fourth signature she only got a few letters of her first name.  Probably, somewhere in the back of her mind some connection was tickling her conscience, letting her know that something was a little off.  Or maybe it was just my reaction?  I was behind her.  She couldn't see me at all, but she picks up on vibes.  She is so intuitive.  It seems to me that intuition and reading emotions aren't put at much of a disadvantage by the theft of her memory.  In fact, I almost think that she's even more in tune with what others are feeling than she was before, and she was always empathetic and intuitive.

Since she wrote it, I've tried to process and kind of analyze how I felt about her being "Marilyn O'Connor" in her mind.  That was, after all, pre-me, and I've decided that I don't need her to remember me or who I am to know she loves me.

Beautiful Mommy

Today I am celebrating how beautiful Mommy is.  Isn't she stunning?

A little later today, at 3:00, I'll be having my first in-my-own-home job interview to see if the company who is being contracted to care for Mommy will hire me for some of the work.

I've got to say that I didn't realize how emotional this would be.  Somehow the idea of getting paid to take care of mommy is an emotional hurdle.  (Of course, I understand that I have to be home pretty much all day every day, and I realize that I can't get another job, and I need to earn money, so there is no guilt.  There is only this odd feeling of oddness that I can't put an English word to, but I can feel it in my soul.)

I wonder if Jochebed felt something similar to this when Pharaoh's daughter paid her to care for Moses?

And, also, how should a person dress for a job interview at home?  I've got curlers in my hair, and I'm planning to put on clean blue-jeans . . .

Growing into Grandma

Kenneth O'Connor, Grandma Parsons, and Mommy

I was looking at this picture and I thought how we grow into our ancestors.  I wish I had a clearer image of this one so I could see how much of the resemblance is only passing or how much Mommy really did grow to almost become her Grandma Parsons.  (Well, maybe it's better with an unclear picture because she's really only a little Grandma Parson-ish . . . even in this picture.)  But, there is certainly a resemblance, and I think that growing into her grandmother a really beautiful thought.

Keeping Mommy warm . . .

Our furnace has never seemed to keep up this whole winter.  Plus, I've been noticing that it takes forever to boil water on the stove and things are taking longer than I expect to cook in the oven too.  Now, I've got a clue as to why.  There is a leak in our gas line somewhere between the sidewalk and the basement.  That leak made it so the gas could never keep any real pressure.  (At least the leak was before the meter!)  The gas-guy's pressure gauge read 3 in the house just before the furnace, and he said it was supposed to read between 7 and 10.

Now, the gas is turned off, and so, of course, is the furnace, but frankly the house doesn't seem that much colder than it has this whole winter.  Since Mommy has been living with us, we've been supplementing with space heaters.  Last night, I bought one more space heater and we plugged that in.  But, other than that, we're about the same as we were before.

Over the last couple of months, I had started to think that the blow-in insulation that we added to the house must have settled from twenty feet high to about five inches high.  I didn't realize that if the gas pressure was low the furnace would just kick down a few notches, but would still run.  Same thing is true for the kitchen stove.

No wonder we were so crazy-cold all these last few months (and pretty chilly last year too).  The year before last, the furnace had no trouble heating the house.  I'm hopeful that after they replace the line, we'll be in that warm spot again.

If you look at the above picture, the gas line is down near the big SUV that is parked in the lower road.  The gas guys have to dig from there to the house.  One of the guys told me yesterday to pray from them because this is a nightmare job.  So, you all pray too, and hopefully the nightmare won't be so bad for them.  It's awful cold. Pray they can keep warm or, at least, warmish.

(Edit to include a picture that is labeled - so you understand what the poor guys are dealing with . . .  Also, should add that the gas apparatus to turn the gas on and off at the curb was so deep down that the tools the guy had wouldn't reach it.  He said either the valves down there had sunk or the road had been built up since the lines were installed.  He thinks the lines are original to the house.  That would make them over a hundred years old.)

(Additional edit:  I was talking to Jeanie about how old gas lines were made of wood, and I was trying to find the article where I read it (couldn't find).  I found this, and it's pretty scary.  I guess being cold for a little while is really not that bad, especially compared to the possibility of an explosion!  http://triblive.com/news/editorspicks/6772021-74/gas-pipe-explosion#axzz3TclaMViL)

Old Photograph Magic

Anna Laura O'Connor and Paul

While I was looking back through ancient (more than one year old) Facebook statuses to try find the name of the guy who came out and looked at our furnace the last time it was looked at . . , I found this beautiful photograph.  Hannah has retouched it because the original was creased in several places (Thank you, Hannah :-)  )

It is one of the only pictures I know of that shows Grandma O'Connor when she was a young mother.  I thought you all would love to see a picture of Mom's mom as a young woman.

Been busy

I've been having a lot of guilt because I've been neglecting updates, but so much is going on, and I get overwhelmed easily.

Here, above, though, I've finally got Stephan's ancestral quilt hung up.  It was sewn by a sister of his great-grandmother, and it has made the room seem so much calmer,

 Mom is about half-way out of bed in the picture.  She likes to take breaks when she's getting up, and I've just been letting her set the pace.  :-)

(edit) Oh! And, I want to add that the beautiful, Southern garden scenes that Jeanie had hanging on Mom's wall, and I hung again up here are down now, and Mom POURS over them.  She just loves them.  She has them stacked up and she looks at them for hours.  When I made the room less sensory overwhelming, I was so sad to take those down, since I liked to look up at them myself.  But, now, I'm glad I did as Mom is enjoying them so much!