Out of Apples! And, a little grumpy (me, that is, not Mom)

Oh No!  I've been so good about making Mommy applesauce every, single day, and today we're out of apples.  Unbelievable.  And, there is no one to blame but me as before Amanda and David went to the store last night, they asked me if I needed anything . . .

That's the first bad news.  The second bad news is that the State still hasn't approved the budget for them to give me the Jochebed wages for caring for Mom.  Every week that passes hundreds of dollars go from the "might happen" to the "didn't happen" pile in my soul.  I feel a little like "psyche" . . .  you know . . .  imagine that you're a little thirsty and someone offers you a drink, and then suddenly you realize that you're really thirsty, and right at that moment, they pull the drink away and say: "Psyche! You thought I was going to give that to you, didn't you?  Ha ha ha.  Psyche."   Then, in this instance, in the case of these wages, my frustration that I'm not going to actually get paid melts down into guilt that I'm frustrated about it at all, because I shouldn't (AND I'M NOT) do this for any money anyway.  I am caring for Mommy because I love her, first off, and secondly because we, her children, have a responsibility to care for her, and it's my turn.

Yesterday I gave her Tylenol once again.  She'd been so achy the day before that I gave her Tylenol in the morning (with homemade applesauce), and she was way better (less achy seeming and happier) during the day.  I'm not sure if the achy she was the day after the doctor was because of the B12 shot, or the trip, or because I'd stopped giving her those two Tylenol with her vitamins every morning, or something else altogether.  Everything is so interconnected and overlapping and confusing.  I never can be sure what is cause/effect or just correlation and happening anyway.  So, today, she'll get a couple Tylenol in her mashed banana as I try and figure it all out.

So we're out of apples and the State of Pennsylvania is being sluggish about approving hiring me.  And, where are my eyes fixed?  On the bad stuff, as usual.  If you've got a moment to spare today, pray for me that I look on the bright side and "don't sweat the small stuff" and pull myself out of this slump.

[EDIT: Went straight from posting this to my daily Lenten video that talks today all about the fruits of the Holy Spirit  . . . and how to know if we are allowing the Spirit to work in our lives . . . the post above is a very "non-fruit-of-the-Holy-Spirit" rant.  :-(   . . .  . . .  . . .  I guess the plea for prayer at the end was really the best direction I could try to turn . . .]

Making a garden

I remember walking down the rows in the garden Mommy and Daddy made before Mommy had to get a job at the dress factory.  This was back when she was a housewife and had the energy to have a huge garden.  I remember that the pole beans were so tall.  They were on poles that were taller than Mommy and Daddy, and there was netting strung between the poles, and the plants were full of beans.  I remember Mommy getting bowls of those beans and then snapping them into sections (or snapping them somehow . . . I can't remember exactly.)  I remember fried green tomatoes, fried zucchini, and fried summer squash from those gardens.  I remember spaghetti squash.  I remember helping to weed.  I remember eating carrots with Daddy - straight out of the ground, not even washed, just wiping the dirt off with our hands.

I think these big gardens were while Pepper (the pony) was still at our house because Mommy and I were in the garden when I found out that Brownie had died.  Daddy had found her body up behind Pepper's pen.  I remember how much Mommy loved to make gardens.

She didn't have the energy anymore after she started working at the dress factory.  She used to just sit on the couch and fall asleep when she got home from work.  She was so tired all the time.  She was too tired to make big gardens, but she still had her little flower gardens. Some of them she surrounded with rocks.  Didn't she make at least one in a big tractor tire, too?

Now, Mommy still can enjoy a little bit of the feel of dirt and stone.  She arranged all the stones in the pot in the above picture (after I repotted it for her).  It's not a big garden or a lot of stones and dirt, but I think the love of gardens and patting dirt and arranging rocks is still there.  I think she really loved getting her hands dirty and caring for her plant.

Skin question

Such an AMAZING complexion!

Her skin was so perfect pre-doctor's visit yesterday, and today her skin is dry and peeling!  It's not just where she was out in wind, either.  Her arms and her legs are peeling a little too, but her face is bad especially.  I'm worried that it might have been the stress of getting out in the car and so on (and, we've got to go and get the ultrasound - so she'll be out and about again).

Suggestions?

I'll put cream on, of course.  Do you think she might be low on some vitamin or something?

Doctor visit today

We're all ready to get in the car and head to the doctor's office.

Today, Mommy had a doctor's visit.

We've got a script for an ultrasound to see if the blood clot in her leg is resolved.  If it is, we'll be able to stop the Xarelto (at least for a while).  The doctor said that with the amount of mobility that Mommy has now, she will be very susceptible to blood clots, and that even if this particular clot is cleared up, the chances are good she'll eventually be on Xarelto for the rest of her life.

The doctor agreed with Jeanie that since we don't really see any benefit from the Tylenol for the arthritis, we might as well stop giving it to her altogether.  She explained why the aspirin is such a better pain reliever for arthritis.  She said that if we can stop the Xarelto, we can start the aspirin again, of course.

The doctor wanted me to give Mom a pneumonia shot, and I was really uncertain about what to do.  So, I prayed about it, and then I said we could go ahead and give it to Mom.  (I don't want her to die of pneumonia and it to be my fault because I didn't give her the protection of a shot . . . )  Anyway, then they were out of the vaccine so God saved me from the trouble of making the decision about it.  (Since Marjie and Jeanie both think it would be better to not get it, and I was the only one who was thinking we should,  I'm very relieved that the decision was taken out of my hands.)  It's so hard  to know what to do.  The doctor said that pneumonia (or heart trouble) are the reasons that she loses people who are Mom's age.  The doctor is very caring, and I could see her concern for Mommy was real and that she really believed that the shot would be a benefit.

[edit for clarity:  I typed so quickly yesterday, and I was in such a hurry that I was even less clear than I usually am about what is going on, and especially about the pneumonia shot.  Before the doctor's visit, I was planning to get it.  Then, during the doctor's visit, I had second thoughts.  Then, I decided to get it again while I was talking to the doctor, and then they were out of the vaccine.  I'm relieved because I don't like making decisions at all, and I really don't like making them in a hurry.  Since they were out, I've got until her next visit in September to pray, research. ponder, and talk to everyone as they pray, research, and ponder, I will be able to go into the doctor's office informed and firm in convictions.  I'm still leaning toward getting the vaccine.  I'm just relieved that I didn't have to make the decision without thought.  Also, I am so glad that we are all supporting each other and working together to make Mom's life as good as it can be.  There is no way even just two humans will ever agree on every little detail of anything.  ----  In fact, in my case one human often disagrees with herself.  lol.  I feel blessed by God that we are such a supportive, understanding, and kind family.  God is good to us.  (end of edit)]

When we got home, we planted peas in rain gutters (the British pea-planting style).  We'll ease them out of the gutters and into the ground in a few weeks.  Since planting peas on Saint Patrick's Day is a tradition of the day, and I remember Mommy saying something about Grandpa O'Connor planting peas on St. Patrick's Day, I was really excited to actually make the St. Patrick's Day tradition happen for our garden this year.  (Grandpa wasn't so keen on planting by the phases of the moon, though.  I think it was Uncle Howard who told me that he said something like, "Why would you plant by the moon.  Is your farm on the moon?"  (Something like that - but the phrase was snappier than I am remembering it . . . )

While I was planting the seeds, Mom patted the dirt, and she also arranged the stones in the re-potted plant she brought from Jeanie's house.  (It's roots were growing out the bottom, so we put it into a bigger pot today while we had the dirt out . . . )

Here's one last pic of mom pre-doctor visit.  She is telling me that she doesn't know how to give me a big smile.  I think she does, though, doesn't she?  Lol :-)

Jest look at that smile!

My Mother, 1959

2013

2015

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Daddy

Today is Daddy's birthday, and I have this crazy craving for Strawberry Shortcake.  I miss you, Daddy.  I love you.  You were the best father a girl could ever hope to have had.  Thank you for being my Daddy.  (I've allowed father/daughter to overide mother/daughter for this day of blogging :-)  I'm sure none of you will mind.)

The love remains

Anna Laura O'Connor

I set up a slideshow of old pictures on my computer and had them playing at the kitchen table while Mommy was sitting there yesterday.  She could look at them if she wanted to or she could look at her magazines and papers if she wanted to.

She spent time looking at both and after a while she said, "Wait.  What was that one?"

So, I came over and scrolled back through the images to find this for her.  I paused the slideshow at this picture and just let her soak up Grandma.

Mommy's eyes were soft, and she was tearing up.

I know better, at this point, than to say things like, "Do you know who that is?" or "That's Grandma O'Connor,"  or even, "Your mother."  Because, sometimes, the name and the face are in separate parts of Mom's mind, and it seems to startle her to put them together.

Instead, I said, "Isn't she beautiful?"

And, Mommy said, "Yes."