When I used to deliver for Meals on Wheels some of the other volunteers would tell stories about how some of them had discovered elderly people who'd passed away when they brought their meals to the door.
I was afraid about it after I heard those stories - especially for the ones where I was supposed to just knock, open the door, announce myself, and bring the meals in and set them on the table for them. Usually they were sitting up in a chair waiting for me, but once a man was not in his usual place waiting. I ran out to tell the driver who told me that I'd better see if I could find him. (I knew this, but I had kind of hoped the driver would come in to look with me :-) note: we delivered in teams at our Meals on Wheels, one driver and one runner) At any rate, the elderly man was fine. He was just taking a nap in his bed. He was pretty deaf without his hearing aids in, and that's why he hadn't heard me calling. A few years later, though, that man did die. And, now the driver who was with me that day - also elderly - has passed away. Death is a specter that haunts us and comes to all of us.
So, from the first day Mommy came here, one week and one day ago, there has been a nagging knowledge that there's a chance - actually with the passing of time there is almost a certainly - that one day I'll open her bedroom door and she won't be there anymore. I can't describe how this effects the psyche. (At least my psyche. I'm a weak and weepy person.)
There is this amazing movie starring Queen Latifah where she is misdiagnosed as about to die and takes a "Last Holiday," which is the name of the film. I like the movie very much - mostly because at the end of the day, it was a misdiagnosis and she continues to live.
There are a lot of songs, too, about living each day as if it were the last, but somehow the idea of living a day as if it is the last day has always made me sad instead of happy. The bitter sweetness of it had a lot more bitter than sweet.
However, now that I'm actually put into a position where I do need to actually live every day as if it were her last, the sweetness of the days is starting, slowly, to overcome the bitter.
I'm starting to understand the songs and the movies.
And, as my heart softens to what is reality, it really is making every moment sweet instead of bitter.
Yesterday, when she was too weak and hurting to sit up in the morning, and I fed her oatmeal one spoon at a time in bed, sitting and waiting - for a very long time for her to swallow so I could give her the next bite became really precious. We were listening to one of the gospels on the "radio" together, I think Mark at that time, and I learned that I can't get impatient and have the spoon ready to put it into her mouth, because that makes her nervous. Instead, I need to wait for her to swallow the bite she has, and then slowly get the next bite on the spoon so she has time to see what's happening and to prepare herself. I'm learning to move slowly for her. Like at the end of the "Sound of Music" when the nuns are told "Slowly, slowly" and they stop rushing around and walk slowly to the door. (Maybe it was just one nun? I don't remember for sure.)
When I move slowly, Mommy is much less nervous. It probably gives her more time to process.
I'm also learning to not stress about the small stuff. And, the most stressful of the small stuff is potty stuff. I feel a little bad sharing potty information about Mom, because I want to protect her dignity, but if anybody else, in a similar situation can find something helpful, . . It's so hard to care for a person who has trouble moving, and this was such a help that I'm going to share it.
She is very angry at the pull-ups right now. When we were getting ready to put a new one on yesterday, she fingered the material of it, and said: "I hate these things. They make you know something is wrong with you." And, in addition to reminding mom something is wrong with her, getting them up is a huge process. She has to stand for me to pull them up, and it is hard for her to stand, and dangerous if there isn't a spotter on both sides or her. She's on a blood thinner right now, so falling is more of a danger than it even usually is.
So, I was sitting on the edge of the bed wondering how to best stand her and get the troublesome thing pulled up. I was praying about what to do. I needed some idea about how to keep her clean and keep her safe from falling and protect her feelings.
Then, it occurred to me that I could just rip a pull-up along the sides and lay it on top of a plastic sided pad on the chair. And then, if I couldn't get the thing that I already had positioned as far up her legs as I could get it pulled the rest of the way up, I could just set Mommy onto the one that was on the chair.
When she was ready to get off the commode, I used the transfer belt to stand her and pivot her into the recliner. If she understood to put her arms around my neck, I could, at that time, pull the underthings up, but she doesn't understand and tries to grab and hang on to the arm of the commode or the arm of the recliner or whatever else she can reach.
So, instead of worrying about pulling that thing up, I just was able to swing her around into the recliner. It worked really well, and later when it was time for her to go to dinner with us in the kitchen, getting her into the wheelchair would have been very easy using the same method. However, since Amanda was home, we together got her into the normal underthings. It's better to have the thing pulled up, but if there isn't anybody here, it is possible to get by, and keep her comfortable and clean, without having to do that.
Last night, she ate split pea soup. (I must be an exceptional cook - lol - to make that often nasty stuff yummy enough for someone who doesn't have to be polite to eat it :-) ) Stephan requested it for its health benefits, and David likes it because it has such a high protein content per serving.
I am also learning to use my words wisely. As the clock approached 11:00 when we were all about ready for bed, instead of saying to Mom that it was bedtime, I said that the kitchen was getting chilly and I wanted to sit with her in her warm bedroom. Then she was content to get wheeled away from what seemed like the place where the action was happening.
Well, I thought about deleting this post - because it is mostly about me instead of about mom, but I'm going to go ahead and post it anyway. I told you all to skip the boring parts :-)
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Saturday, November 15, 2014
We're getting it together!
This morning Mommy had her mashed banana with vitamin, and then her regular mashed banana, and then her oatmeal with raisins and brown sugar.
After that we got washed up. She didn't want to put on the clothes I picked out so instead she wore the pretty lacy nightgown that Jeanie sent up with her. It is pretty, and I think that a nightgown is just as nice to wear as a skirt, blouse, and sweater. Why not? It seemed to please her to pick her own clothes.
After she was all washed and dressed, sometime after 11 AM. she spent some time reading over a magazine and sitting in the recliner.
She dozed off and one, and it was late when she was ready for lunch. I asked her a few times when she'd wake up as I came in and our it she wanted her lunch yet, and she said that she didn't. Then around 3:00 she said that "maybe that'd be a good idea." I took that as a yes.
I made her mashed potatoes with chicken (baby food) gravy. I cut a yellow cherry tomato up in teeny slices and laid that beside. Then, for desert, I gave her yogurt with brown sugar and vanilla in it. I called it pudding.
She ate the tomato slices first - with her spoon - with a great deal of enjoyment. That surprised me because I thought she would have trouble chewing them, but she had no trouble at all. She still loves tomatoes. :-)
Then she ate all the chicken gravy baby food. That surprised me too as I thought it tasted pretty nasty. I guess I was wrong. :-)
Now, she's working on the potatoes.
The "pudding" which she's had just about every day and has loved so far every time is still waiting untouched.
She doesn't like the ugly pictures on her paper towel napkin. She keeps saying something is wrong with it. I'm not sure what, but I'll buy some different ones next time I shop.
It's been a good day so far.
After she was all washed and dressed, sometime after 11 AM. she spent some time reading over a magazine and sitting in the recliner.
She dozed off and one, and it was late when she was ready for lunch. I asked her a few times when she'd wake up as I came in and our it she wanted her lunch yet, and she said that she didn't. Then around 3:00 she said that "maybe that'd be a good idea." I took that as a yes.
I made her mashed potatoes with chicken (baby food) gravy. I cut a yellow cherry tomato up in teeny slices and laid that beside. Then, for desert, I gave her yogurt with brown sugar and vanilla in it. I called it pudding.
She ate the tomato slices first - with her spoon - with a great deal of enjoyment. That surprised me because I thought she would have trouble chewing them, but she had no trouble at all. She still loves tomatoes. :-)
Then she ate all the chicken gravy baby food. That surprised me too as I thought it tasted pretty nasty. I guess I was wrong. :-)
Now, she's working on the potatoes.
The "pudding" which she's had just about every day and has loved so far every time is still waiting untouched.
She doesn't like the ugly pictures on her paper towel napkin. She keeps saying something is wrong with it. I'm not sure what, but I'll buy some different ones next time I shop.
It's been a good day so far.
the price of good days
Yesterday, her body was stronger and she was more alert than she had been since she'd come here. But, this has a downside, and Jeanie had warned me about this. She said that when Mom is more "with it" she's ornery. And, it's true. Pray for me that I don't react to her frustration and anger with frustration or anger. Yesterday, was good. I didn't get upset - either feeling sorry for myself when she fussed at me or getting grumpy at her, but it was a growing-up experience. When she first came here, and I cried because she told me I was doing everything wrong, I joked with one of you on the phone (I don't remember which of you) that I'm forty-six years old, it's about time I grew up and stopped getting my feelings hurt by every little thing. Well, yesterday I didn't get my feelings hurt, but it was a struggle.
Later, after Mom was in bed, Amanda and I were talking about how Mom must feel - especially when the disease isn't gripping her brain so tightly. Jeanie also told me to try to put myself into her position - even literally. Jeanie told about once when Mom was fascinated all day long by a magazine picture how Jeanie stooped down to position her head in as close to the same place as Mom's and to look at what Mom was seeing. Jeanie said that from that angle, she could see that the picture of the house in the magazine looked a lot like the Jeanie's house. And Mom spent a lot of time outside in the sunshine there, so she was probably liking looking at a home that was familiar. So, from that advice, I'm trying to see things from Mom's point of view.
I think that when the disease loosens it's grip, for whatever reason, she knows more that it's there. For instance, she fingered one of her pull-ups yesterday and said: "I hate these things. They make you know something's wrong with you."
I learned that every day will be different and that what worked one day may not work the next. Last night, we thought that we would play Sporcle quizzes again in the kitchen and repeat the night before. Nope. She did not like them. She also didn't like having "Little House" read aloud. She didn't like almost anything we did. What she wanted, I think, was to be free to think clearly again and to walk again. These are things we can't help her with - no matter how much we wish we could.
Amanda finally hit on something that made Mom's eyes glow. Amanda read poetry and sang some of it (The Highwayman).
I think that if we can make a few hours of eyes glowing with happiness every day, that day is a success, and thanks to Amanda, we managed that, after a lot of trial and error, yesterday.
Later, after Mom was in bed, Amanda and I were talking about how Mom must feel - especially when the disease isn't gripping her brain so tightly. Jeanie also told me to try to put myself into her position - even literally. Jeanie told about once when Mom was fascinated all day long by a magazine picture how Jeanie stooped down to position her head in as close to the same place as Mom's and to look at what Mom was seeing. Jeanie said that from that angle, she could see that the picture of the house in the magazine looked a lot like the Jeanie's house. And Mom spent a lot of time outside in the sunshine there, so she was probably liking looking at a home that was familiar. So, from that advice, I'm trying to see things from Mom's point of view.
I think that when the disease loosens it's grip, for whatever reason, she knows more that it's there. For instance, she fingered one of her pull-ups yesterday and said: "I hate these things. They make you know something's wrong with you."
I learned that every day will be different and that what worked one day may not work the next. Last night, we thought that we would play Sporcle quizzes again in the kitchen and repeat the night before. Nope. She did not like them. She also didn't like having "Little House" read aloud. She didn't like almost anything we did. What she wanted, I think, was to be free to think clearly again and to walk again. These are things we can't help her with - no matter how much we wish we could.
Amanda finally hit on something that made Mom's eyes glow. Amanda read poetry and sang some of it (The Highwayman).
I think that if we can make a few hours of eyes glowing with happiness every day, that day is a success, and thanks to Amanda, we managed that, after a lot of trial and error, yesterday.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Transfer belt and independence
Well, I'm not sure if the chocolate is a success or not, but getting up out of bed to a chair sure made all the difference in the world. I think she wasn't liking laying abed today. Maybe she felt helpless.
When I saw she was awake, I gave her the first piece of chocolate. It was probably about an 1/8th of one of these rounds, and she didn't like it much. She said it was sour.
Then, I said it's time to get up and get around, and using the miracle transfer belt (thank you, Pete), we were able to - just mom and me - get from the bed to the commode without much effort at all. Mom is much stronger today, or that wouldn't have been possible.
Then, I gave her a second piece of chocolate - again about an 1/8th, and I warned her first that it was dark chocolate and wouldn't be sweet at all, and she liked it very much.
She is already much happier - just sitting up and out of bed did the trick. I should have done this hours ago. Tomorrow, I'll read the signs better.
When I saw she was awake, I gave her the first piece of chocolate. It was probably about an 1/8th of one of these rounds, and she didn't like it much. She said it was sour.
Then, I gave her a second piece of chocolate - again about an 1/8th, and I warned her first that it was dark chocolate and wouldn't be sweet at all, and she liked it very much.
She is already much happier - just sitting up and out of bed did the trick. I should have done this hours ago. Tomorrow, I'll read the signs better.
Peace Offering Preparation
She woke a few times as I went in and out this morning, but she wasn't really awake until around 11:30.
Then, it was high time for a bed change, and she didn't like it at all. This is probably a good thing because she was pretty docile about changing every time before, and the fact that she insisted that it wasn't necessary meant that she was with it enough to want to protect her own dignity.
It's 12:30 now, and she's had a small lunch (mashed potatoes and carrot with Monterrey Jack cheese and 1/2 teaspoon of turmeric- which is supposed to help the brain - added to mixture) But, she's still mad at me about changing her. I think that she doesn't really remember why she's mad. Maybe some hormones or something get released that keep her reminded that she's angry.
I tried reading her a book. I grabbed it off the shelf, and since it had Grandpa O'Connor's picture for a bookmark, I decided to try it. It's called "The Story of Mankind." It's a story book version of the history of the world. It's written at about the same comprehension level as Little House, and I like to read it myself (you all know I love to read children's books), but she wasn't interested in that one so I put on the Gospel of Luke. I'm going to try Little House again as soon as the "radio" is finished with the nativity story.
It's so funny because she is pretending to sleep now. She's peeking at me out of her mostly closed eyes, but if I go over toward the bed she closes them tight. If Little House doesn't work any magic, I'll leave her alone for an hour or so. Maybe she will doze off the anger. I need to figure out a way to change her without hurting her feelings. Ideas are welcome.
Well, Little House didn't work too much magic. She didn't want me to hold her hand while I read to her like I usually do. She said, "Don't pull on that," when I started to take her hand. But, since I was already holding it, and she was gripping my hand, I kept holding it while I read - I thought if she really didn't like it, she'd let go. I read one chapter (Dance at Grandpa's), and she laughed at the jokes and seemed to follow what was going on, but she was still upset at me when the chapter was over. I gave her the book to look at if she wanted, and I put the American Girl doll catalog, and "A Mother is Love" down beside her. She picked up "A Mother is Love" and started to read - holding it up over her head since she's still lying down from being changed. She said that she didn't want to sit up. She said it was too hard to do that today. (I did sit her up earlier today when she had breakfast, but I had to lay her back down to change her things.)
Now, I'm leaving her alone for a little while. Sometimes when I'm feeling grumpy, I like to get over it slowly by myself. Maybe that will be best for her too?
Jeanie said that when she's upset it gets her blood pumping, and that's probably good for her. So, I'm keeping my attitude positive without any trouble, but I'm just wishing that I could think of something to do to help her snap out of it. I know that when I'm mad at Stephan I sometimes wish that I would just stop being mad and that everything would just be good and pleasant again, and I know that the problem is me and my stubbornness is keeping that from happening. It's interesting to see that from the other perspective because I'm pretty sure she doesn't even remember the reason she's mad at me. Who knows? Maybe if I find the thing that helps her snap out of a temper, it will work for me too when I'm in one?
I'm going to make her some gluten free thin mints. They will be my peace offering.
(ha ha - they will also be mint free as I've got two bottles of almond extract, three of vanilla, and zero of mint. I must have used it up last Christmas ;-) And, I don't have any stevia so I'm using regular old sugar. Oh well, chocolate is chocolate, yes?)
Here they are. I only made a half batch, and they don't look any too appetizing, but hopefully once they are out of the freezer and removed from the muffin tin, they will transform into something magical.
She's sleeping now. My peace offering is freezing, and it's time to get some of my backed-up housework swept away.
I will let you know how it goes when she wakes up.
(PS - I know I'm probably writing more than you all want to read, but I'm not good at stemming the tide of my words. It seems the faucet of my typing is either on full-force or it doesn't even drip. You can try to skip all the boring parts.)
Then, it was high time for a bed change, and she didn't like it at all. This is probably a good thing because she was pretty docile about changing every time before, and the fact that she insisted that it wasn't necessary meant that she was with it enough to want to protect her own dignity.
It's 12:30 now, and she's had a small lunch (mashed potatoes and carrot with Monterrey Jack cheese and 1/2 teaspoon of turmeric- which is supposed to help the brain - added to mixture) But, she's still mad at me about changing her. I think that she doesn't really remember why she's mad. Maybe some hormones or something get released that keep her reminded that she's angry.
I tried reading her a book. I grabbed it off the shelf, and since it had Grandpa O'Connor's picture for a bookmark, I decided to try it. It's called "The Story of Mankind." It's a story book version of the history of the world. It's written at about the same comprehension level as Little House, and I like to read it myself (you all know I love to read children's books), but she wasn't interested in that one so I put on the Gospel of Luke. I'm going to try Little House again as soon as the "radio" is finished with the nativity story.
It's so funny because she is pretending to sleep now. She's peeking at me out of her mostly closed eyes, but if I go over toward the bed she closes them tight. If Little House doesn't work any magic, I'll leave her alone for an hour or so. Maybe she will doze off the anger. I need to figure out a way to change her without hurting her feelings. Ideas are welcome.
Well, Little House didn't work too much magic. She didn't want me to hold her hand while I read to her like I usually do. She said, "Don't pull on that," when I started to take her hand. But, since I was already holding it, and she was gripping my hand, I kept holding it while I read - I thought if she really didn't like it, she'd let go. I read one chapter (Dance at Grandpa's), and she laughed at the jokes and seemed to follow what was going on, but she was still upset at me when the chapter was over. I gave her the book to look at if she wanted, and I put the American Girl doll catalog, and "A Mother is Love" down beside her. She picked up "A Mother is Love" and started to read - holding it up over her head since she's still lying down from being changed. She said that she didn't want to sit up. She said it was too hard to do that today. (I did sit her up earlier today when she had breakfast, but I had to lay her back down to change her things.)
Now, I'm leaving her alone for a little while. Sometimes when I'm feeling grumpy, I like to get over it slowly by myself. Maybe that will be best for her too?
Jeanie said that when she's upset it gets her blood pumping, and that's probably good for her. So, I'm keeping my attitude positive without any trouble, but I'm just wishing that I could think of something to do to help her snap out of it. I know that when I'm mad at Stephan I sometimes wish that I would just stop being mad and that everything would just be good and pleasant again, and I know that the problem is me and my stubbornness is keeping that from happening. It's interesting to see that from the other perspective because I'm pretty sure she doesn't even remember the reason she's mad at me. Who knows? Maybe if I find the thing that helps her snap out of a temper, it will work for me too when I'm in one?
I'm going to make her some gluten free thin mints. They will be my peace offering.
(ha ha - they will also be mint free as I've got two bottles of almond extract, three of vanilla, and zero of mint. I must have used it up last Christmas ;-) And, I don't have any stevia so I'm using regular old sugar. Oh well, chocolate is chocolate, yes?)
Here they are. I only made a half batch, and they don't look any too appetizing, but hopefully once they are out of the freezer and removed from the muffin tin, they will transform into something magical.
She's sleeping now. My peace offering is freezing, and it's time to get some of my backed-up housework swept away.
I will let you know how it goes when she wakes up.
(PS - I know I'm probably writing more than you all want to read, but I'm not good at stemming the tide of my words. It seems the faucet of my typing is either on full-force or it doesn't even drip. You can try to skip all the boring parts.)
Wonderful, wonderful evening :-)
We were supposed to watch a British mystery while drinking tea last night, but when we asked Mommy if she wanted to go in the living room and watch with us, she said: "Not right now. Maybe later."
So, instead of watching TV, we stayed in the kitchen. Amanda, David, and I played sporcle quizzes on Amanda's phone and laughed and talked while Mom looked at her papers and read the book "A Mother is Love" - which she's reading again this morning.
It was wonderful. Even though Mommy (and me too, for that matter), didn't really know the name of films that start with "I" that won academy awards or the how ever many world capitals that start with "C" we still had a lot of fun and there were a lot of smiles and twinkling eyes.
At about 9:30, we were ready to wind down the quiz time, and so we said it was time for bed and Amanda started to wheel Mom back to her room. Mom did not want to go. She was so upset that she had a hard time articulating words. She hung on the table so Amanda had to pry her fingers loose, and then she grabbed the counter as she was passing by it.
Amanda and I felt like crying. When we got to the room, Mom was really upset. She didn't want us to help her stand up by the walker. She wanted to do it herself, but she didn't seem to know how. She kept pushing the walker forward a little bit and then pulling it back and changing where her hands were positioned. We let her do this for several minutes and just practiced our patience. Amanda is much more patient than I am. She is a good role model for me.
Then we said, "Let us help you stand up and then it will work," and she let us. She walked about five steps. Amanda, who could see her face, said she was determined. Then we helped her pivot to sit on the bed, and she was exhausted from the effort so we said, "Let's just take a break, and rest here a minute before we try to lie down." Then Amanda sat on her left side, and I sat on her right, and we just held her there - and she held us. We all had arms around each other and held hands - and for as long as I live - the memory of Amanda and me sitting there with Mommy and all of us loving and comforting each other will be precious. We sat there for a long time. There was no clock, but I would guess that it was five or ten minutes at least. Nobody said anything. It was just comfort.
Then, we said, "Are you ready to lay down now?" and Mommy said she was. We helped her get positioned in the bed, and then after we kissed her goodnight, I told her that I'd be back in a few minutes to read to her.
Amanda and I went to the kitchen to talk for a while. Then, I went back in - I didn't know if she'd be awake or not, but she was awake, and I got "Little House in the Big Woods," and read to her a chapter. Amanda came in and she read the next chapter. She sat on a chair by Mommy's bed and read to her. I sat on the floor at Amanda's feet and held Mom's hand. At the end of the chapter, Amanda stopped, and I saw that Mom had fallen asleep.
Of course she woke when I let go of her hand, So, I read to her from "A Mother is Love" until she fell asleep again, and this time she didn't wake when I let go of her hand.
It was a beautiful tuck in time. I know it won't always go so good, but that time was wonderful, and I wanted all of you to be a part of it by sharing it.
I'll end with a funny thing that happened this morning.
I let her sleep in until it was time for her Xarelto this morning. So, at 9AM, I took her mashed banana (a few spoons of it mixed with her crushed vitamin) and a scrambled egg and some cranberry juice. First, she had the vitamin mash. Then, she had the banana. Then, she had the Xarelto with some cranberry juice. Then, I started to give her the, now cold, scrambled eggs. She said, "I don't know what this stuff is." I said, "Well, it's scrambled eggs, but maybe they got a little tough and cold while they were sitting there." I gave her another bite, and she made a face. So, I said, "Should I give these ones to the dog and fix you some fresh ones?" And she said, "Maybe that would be a good idea."
Scooby liked them, and Mom liked the next one - I put in extra butter in the new batch for her to try to make up for the bad batch.
Mom is dozing now - with "A Mother is Love" still held in her hand. I'm going to leave this "radio" in her room playing a youtube hymn playlist and go and get some work done.
So, instead of watching TV, we stayed in the kitchen. Amanda, David, and I played sporcle quizzes on Amanda's phone and laughed and talked while Mom looked at her papers and read the book "A Mother is Love" - which she's reading again this morning.
It was wonderful. Even though Mommy (and me too, for that matter), didn't really know the name of films that start with "I" that won academy awards or the how ever many world capitals that start with "C" we still had a lot of fun and there were a lot of smiles and twinkling eyes.
At about 9:30, we were ready to wind down the quiz time, and so we said it was time for bed and Amanda started to wheel Mom back to her room. Mom did not want to go. She was so upset that she had a hard time articulating words. She hung on the table so Amanda had to pry her fingers loose, and then she grabbed the counter as she was passing by it.
Amanda and I felt like crying. When we got to the room, Mom was really upset. She didn't want us to help her stand up by the walker. She wanted to do it herself, but she didn't seem to know how. She kept pushing the walker forward a little bit and then pulling it back and changing where her hands were positioned. We let her do this for several minutes and just practiced our patience. Amanda is much more patient than I am. She is a good role model for me.
Then we said, "Let us help you stand up and then it will work," and she let us. She walked about five steps. Amanda, who could see her face, said she was determined. Then we helped her pivot to sit on the bed, and she was exhausted from the effort so we said, "Let's just take a break, and rest here a minute before we try to lie down." Then Amanda sat on her left side, and I sat on her right, and we just held her there - and she held us. We all had arms around each other and held hands - and for as long as I live - the memory of Amanda and me sitting there with Mommy and all of us loving and comforting each other will be precious. We sat there for a long time. There was no clock, but I would guess that it was five or ten minutes at least. Nobody said anything. It was just comfort.
Then, we said, "Are you ready to lay down now?" and Mommy said she was. We helped her get positioned in the bed, and then after we kissed her goodnight, I told her that I'd be back in a few minutes to read to her.
Amanda and I went to the kitchen to talk for a while. Then, I went back in - I didn't know if she'd be awake or not, but she was awake, and I got "Little House in the Big Woods," and read to her a chapter. Amanda came in and she read the next chapter. She sat on a chair by Mommy's bed and read to her. I sat on the floor at Amanda's feet and held Mom's hand. At the end of the chapter, Amanda stopped, and I saw that Mom had fallen asleep.
Of course she woke when I let go of her hand, So, I read to her from "A Mother is Love" until she fell asleep again, and this time she didn't wake when I let go of her hand.
It was a beautiful tuck in time. I know it won't always go so good, but that time was wonderful, and I wanted all of you to be a part of it by sharing it.
I'll end with a funny thing that happened this morning.
I let her sleep in until it was time for her Xarelto this morning. So, at 9AM, I took her mashed banana (a few spoons of it mixed with her crushed vitamin) and a scrambled egg and some cranberry juice. First, she had the vitamin mash. Then, she had the banana. Then, she had the Xarelto with some cranberry juice. Then, I started to give her the, now cold, scrambled eggs. She said, "I don't know what this stuff is." I said, "Well, it's scrambled eggs, but maybe they got a little tough and cold while they were sitting there." I gave her another bite, and she made a face. So, I said, "Should I give these ones to the dog and fix you some fresh ones?" And she said, "Maybe that would be a good idea."
Scooby liked them, and Mom liked the next one - I put in extra butter in the new batch for her to try to make up for the bad batch.
Mom is dozing now - with "A Mother is Love" still held in her hand. I'm going to leave this "radio" in her room playing a youtube hymn playlist and go and get some work done.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Don't worry so much ;) (text from Pete)
Mom's day started a little before 8 AM. I went in to see if she was awake and that everything was okay before I left for morning Mass. (David and Stephan were both still home and willing to be there for mom if there was a problem before I got back. So I got to go to church. I feel that I need as much spiritual food as I can get to keep myself together to be the best help I can for mom.) When I checked on her, she didn't wake when I opened the door, but she started awake a second later when she became aware someone was looking at her. So, I kind of wished that I'd just gone. It takes about forty-five minutes, and then I could have woken her when I got home. But, there was no way to know if she was just lying awake in here or if she was sleeping without checking. And, I didn't want her lying awake in the dark alone for all that time.
Since I'd woken her, I turned on the "radio" to the Gospel of Matthew and told her that it was still early and that she should try to sleep a little more. Her radio is my computer, but it works as well as a real radio and there are less commercials.
At 9:00 -after I got home- I woke her up for her Xarelto. She had it with mashed banana. The first few spoons of banana were a little nasty because her daily vitamin was mixed up in them, but the rest of the banana was pretty good. Her drink was cranberry juice mixed with white grape juice to make it sweet. It was pretty good. I had a sip.
To get her into a position to be able to swallow a drink to take her pill, I had to sit her up. It is very painful for her to sit up in the morning. I'm hoping that when we get the hospital bed with the working motors it will not be as painful as the motors will move her more gently than I'm able to do. What I do is to lift the mattress up behind her and shove pillows down into the gap between the mattress and the springs. Then, I stand behind the head of the bed and grab the two top corners of the sheet that is folded underneath her, and I pull her up to sit her up some. After that, I take the neck pillow that Jeanie made her and put it behind her head instead of around her neck.
When that was done, I pulled up her wheelchair to the bedside to sit in it while I fed her, and she smiled when I asked if it would be OK if I used it. We held hands while she ate. (I could hold the baby food jar with my forefinger and thumb while she held the other three fingers of my hand.) Amanda noticed the day Mom came that she really likes to hold hands. So, we try to hold hands as much as possible. As usual, she commented on my freezing cold hands, and (as usual) I told her that I really hoped the saying "cold hands/warm heart" is true.
Now, I need to change her. Tomorrow, I will change her before I feed her. (I should have thought of that today as I'll have to put her back down to a lying position to change her.)
Changing is finished. It's already 10:15. I used the pull-up, but I ripped the sides and then pinned them back again with diaper pins after I put it on her. Yesterday, I watched a bunch of youtube videos to learn how a single person could change a person lying in bed. My friend, Michelle, a nurse, came up just after mom got here and taught me how to do it with two people, and it wasn't that much more difficult to do it with one person. Mom helped me to roll over and pulled herself with the side rail on the bed. She was really helpful. But, she didn't like it that the other side of the bed had no rail - she had to trust me then to roll her over, and she preferred to be in control herself. That's good. When she was all cleaned up, I told her that I was going to have an orderly come in and help get her sitting up in bed. I think calling Stephan and David "orderlies" will put a little understanding on the job that they do.
Stephan and I had a really easy time sitting her up in bed, and I thought that maybe she'd like to look at the blue photo album. So we looked at it together for a few minutes. There were lots of pictures of Daddy, and one page said: "Where's my bearhug?" So, I read it out loud and gave mom a big bearhug. I said, "My hugs aren't as tight as Daddy's," and she laughed and said, "I hope not."
She is looking at the flowers by her bed, and I said: "They're called geraniums, I think," and she nodded and said,"mm hmm." She keeps dozing and waking. Yesterday, I read that sleep is good, and healing, and to let her sleep if she sleeps, so I am letting her sleep for a while.
I think I'll take the picture book away while she sleeps as her eyes were filling with tears when she was looking at the pictures of Daddy. Jeanie advised me that sometimes pictures of Daddy make her really depressed and said to set pictures of Daddy aside for a few days when she was really sad and missing him. I'll try again with pics of Daddy in a day or so.
She dozed much of the morning. I vacillate from being glad she's getting rest to being terrified that she is getting ready to leave us. She woke up when the phone rang and Aunt Bonnie called. She is having a hard time understanding about the phone. I think a more traditionally shaped phone would be better for her. I'm going to try to get one and hook it up to my computer somehow. She fell asleep during Aunt Bonnie's call, but I could tell that she was really glad to hear a familiar voice. Some of the "mom" spark comes back into her voice when she is talking to people she knows on the phone.
I woke her up to eat her lunch. She had breakfast for lunch: Oatmeal with brown sugar and milk. Today, instead of raisins, she got chopped up prunes in her oatmeal.
Aunt Bonnie suggested that she might like to sing some hymns. So, I got a hymnal and sang some while she ate her lunch. We took a lot of breaks during lunch because she kept wanting to doze. I couldn't get her to sing with me like Aunt Bonnie had been able to do at Jeanie's house, but she did seem to enjoy the music. She heard "Amazing Grace" - the first verse got repeated about a dozen times because maybe she might remember the words and jump in. Then, I sang "A Mighty Fortress," "Seek Ye First," and "I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say." All in between she took bites of her oatmeal and dozed off.
I'm worried because she's sleeping so much today, but every time she wakes up - like when I come in and out of the room or if the hymn playlist I've got playing on the "radio" changes abruptly to a louder song - she wakes up with a smile. So, I think that today is going pretty well - even though she is sleeping so much. And, I've got lots of time to write my blog post so that it's word count will get up to "War and Peace" levels . . .
Just now, it's 1:36, I asked her if she wanted some lunch (she's really only had breakfast so far today), and she said, "Not too much," but I'm going to make some potatoes up anyway. I'll add a little grease I've got leftover from frying David up a steak a few minutes ago. Hopefully there will be some of the red meat magic in that so that she'll be able to metabolize the iron that is locked up in the potatoes. (Iron in potatoes is more easily taken in by the body when it's accompanied by red meat.) She seems to really like eating potatoes. We'll see how it goes.
She was too tired to eat. She woke up enough to eat the vanilla yogurt, but she slept through all attempts to feed her the potatoes and the tuna fish salad.
She kept being so sleepy all afternoon. I got worried and ended up calling the doctor and begging for her to get an earlier appointment - just in case there might be something really wrong. And, wouldn't you know it, practically the minute I was off the phone after changing the MD appointment, she woke up. She was all chipper and talking and happy. Now she's looking at an American Girl catalog as happy as you please.
She and Amanda named the doll Jeanie bought her Lorelei, and I said that maybe we could buy some things for Lorelei from the catalog, and she said, "She never does use anything."
I'm having a lot of trouble getting her to drink much. Every few minutes, I try to give her more juice. I'm hoping that at dinner she'll be able to use her straw cup. We'll see.
While we were waiting for Amanda to get back from her run, we listened to "Music for Brain Power" on our "radio". It's mostly Mozart, I think, and Mom said "yes" when I asked her if she thought it was pretty music. While Mom listened she continued to look at the American Girl catalog, and I did my prayers. I thought that taking care of Mom would give me plenty of time for my prayers and Bible reading, but I'm still lagging a little behind today. (My own fault because I overslept and didn't do these most important things first thing in the morning while the rest of the house was asleep.)
The evening got much more busy. Amanda and I helped Mom into her wheelchair, She took FIFTEEN steps from the bed before she was ready to sit in the chair. She seemed very strong!
After that, we all ate dinner at the kitchen table. We had South Carolina sweet potatoes (from Jeanie and Al) with butter and brown sugar, and Mommy loved it. It was funny though because if there was a visible fiber, she very carefully picked it out and placed it on the side of her plate. She is keeping her fine motor skills in good order with all the fiber picking out. She had vanilla yogurt for desert. Delicious.
It's after dinner now, and she's looking at books and mail at the table while we get cleaned up (and I chat a minute with Hannah on the phone).
The kitchen smells amazing! There is whole wheat bread just fresh from the oven.
Well, I've got the kitchen cleaned, and Mom is reading a book of poems called "A Mother is Love" at the kitchen table. As soon as Amanda and David get back from a run to the grocery store, we plan to watch a British movie while drinking tea. (Mom will drink the watered down juice type of "tea").
After that, bedtime for all of us. So, I'm going to post this now so that I can shut the computer down and concentrate on the people in the house - this computer tends to distract me.
Since I'd woken her, I turned on the "radio" to the Gospel of Matthew and told her that it was still early and that she should try to sleep a little more. Her radio is my computer, but it works as well as a real radio and there are less commercials.
At 9:00 -after I got home- I woke her up for her Xarelto. She had it with mashed banana. The first few spoons of banana were a little nasty because her daily vitamin was mixed up in them, but the rest of the banana was pretty good. Her drink was cranberry juice mixed with white grape juice to make it sweet. It was pretty good. I had a sip.
To get her into a position to be able to swallow a drink to take her pill, I had to sit her up. It is very painful for her to sit up in the morning. I'm hoping that when we get the hospital bed with the working motors it will not be as painful as the motors will move her more gently than I'm able to do. What I do is to lift the mattress up behind her and shove pillows down into the gap between the mattress and the springs. Then, I stand behind the head of the bed and grab the two top corners of the sheet that is folded underneath her, and I pull her up to sit her up some. After that, I take the neck pillow that Jeanie made her and put it behind her head instead of around her neck.
When that was done, I pulled up her wheelchair to the bedside to sit in it while I fed her, and she smiled when I asked if it would be OK if I used it. We held hands while she ate. (I could hold the baby food jar with my forefinger and thumb while she held the other three fingers of my hand.) Amanda noticed the day Mom came that she really likes to hold hands. So, we try to hold hands as much as possible. As usual, she commented on my freezing cold hands, and (as usual) I told her that I really hoped the saying "cold hands/warm heart" is true.
Now, I need to change her. Tomorrow, I will change her before I feed her. (I should have thought of that today as I'll have to put her back down to a lying position to change her.)
Changing is finished. It's already 10:15. I used the pull-up, but I ripped the sides and then pinned them back again with diaper pins after I put it on her. Yesterday, I watched a bunch of youtube videos to learn how a single person could change a person lying in bed. My friend, Michelle, a nurse, came up just after mom got here and taught me how to do it with two people, and it wasn't that much more difficult to do it with one person. Mom helped me to roll over and pulled herself with the side rail on the bed. She was really helpful. But, she didn't like it that the other side of the bed had no rail - she had to trust me then to roll her over, and she preferred to be in control herself. That's good. When she was all cleaned up, I told her that I was going to have an orderly come in and help get her sitting up in bed. I think calling Stephan and David "orderlies" will put a little understanding on the job that they do.
Stephan and I had a really easy time sitting her up in bed, and I thought that maybe she'd like to look at the blue photo album. So we looked at it together for a few minutes. There were lots of pictures of Daddy, and one page said: "Where's my bearhug?" So, I read it out loud and gave mom a big bearhug. I said, "My hugs aren't as tight as Daddy's," and she laughed and said, "I hope not."
She is looking at the flowers by her bed, and I said: "They're called geraniums, I think," and she nodded and said,"mm hmm." She keeps dozing and waking. Yesterday, I read that sleep is good, and healing, and to let her sleep if she sleeps, so I am letting her sleep for a while.
She dozed much of the morning. I vacillate from being glad she's getting rest to being terrified that she is getting ready to leave us. She woke up when the phone rang and Aunt Bonnie called. She is having a hard time understanding about the phone. I think a more traditionally shaped phone would be better for her. I'm going to try to get one and hook it up to my computer somehow. She fell asleep during Aunt Bonnie's call, but I could tell that she was really glad to hear a familiar voice. Some of the "mom" spark comes back into her voice when she is talking to people she knows on the phone.
I woke her up to eat her lunch. She had breakfast for lunch: Oatmeal with brown sugar and milk. Today, instead of raisins, she got chopped up prunes in her oatmeal.
Aunt Bonnie suggested that she might like to sing some hymns. So, I got a hymnal and sang some while she ate her lunch. We took a lot of breaks during lunch because she kept wanting to doze. I couldn't get her to sing with me like Aunt Bonnie had been able to do at Jeanie's house, but she did seem to enjoy the music. She heard "Amazing Grace" - the first verse got repeated about a dozen times because maybe she might remember the words and jump in. Then, I sang "A Mighty Fortress," "Seek Ye First," and "I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say." All in between she took bites of her oatmeal and dozed off.
I'm worried because she's sleeping so much today, but every time she wakes up - like when I come in and out of the room or if the hymn playlist I've got playing on the "radio" changes abruptly to a louder song - she wakes up with a smile. So, I think that today is going pretty well - even though she is sleeping so much. And, I've got lots of time to write my blog post so that it's word count will get up to "War and Peace" levels . . .
Just now, it's 1:36, I asked her if she wanted some lunch (she's really only had breakfast so far today), and she said, "Not too much," but I'm going to make some potatoes up anyway. I'll add a little grease I've got leftover from frying David up a steak a few minutes ago. Hopefully there will be some of the red meat magic in that so that she'll be able to metabolize the iron that is locked up in the potatoes. (Iron in potatoes is more easily taken in by the body when it's accompanied by red meat.) She seems to really like eating potatoes. We'll see how it goes.
She was too tired to eat. She woke up enough to eat the vanilla yogurt, but she slept through all attempts to feed her the potatoes and the tuna fish salad.
She kept being so sleepy all afternoon. I got worried and ended up calling the doctor and begging for her to get an earlier appointment - just in case there might be something really wrong. And, wouldn't you know it, practically the minute I was off the phone after changing the MD appointment, she woke up. She was all chipper and talking and happy. Now she's looking at an American Girl catalog as happy as you please.
She and Amanda named the doll Jeanie bought her Lorelei, and I said that maybe we could buy some things for Lorelei from the catalog, and she said, "She never does use anything."
I'm having a lot of trouble getting her to drink much. Every few minutes, I try to give her more juice. I'm hoping that at dinner she'll be able to use her straw cup. We'll see.
While we were waiting for Amanda to get back from her run, we listened to "Music for Brain Power" on our "radio". It's mostly Mozart, I think, and Mom said "yes" when I asked her if she thought it was pretty music. While Mom listened she continued to look at the American Girl catalog, and I did my prayers. I thought that taking care of Mom would give me plenty of time for my prayers and Bible reading, but I'm still lagging a little behind today. (My own fault because I overslept and didn't do these most important things first thing in the morning while the rest of the house was asleep.)
The evening got much more busy. Amanda and I helped Mom into her wheelchair, She took FIFTEEN steps from the bed before she was ready to sit in the chair. She seemed very strong!
After that, we all ate dinner at the kitchen table. We had South Carolina sweet potatoes (from Jeanie and Al) with butter and brown sugar, and Mommy loved it. It was funny though because if there was a visible fiber, she very carefully picked it out and placed it on the side of her plate. She is keeping her fine motor skills in good order with all the fiber picking out. She had vanilla yogurt for desert. Delicious.
It's after dinner now, and she's looking at books and mail at the table while we get cleaned up (and I chat a minute with Hannah on the phone).
The kitchen smells amazing! There is whole wheat bread just fresh from the oven.
After that, bedtime for all of us. So, I'm going to post this now so that I can shut the computer down and concentrate on the people in the house - this computer tends to distract me.
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