quick update

Yesterday evening I made the decision to stop applying the progesterone cream on Mommy for a few days.  This made me really sad, but she's been very agitated, in a different way than I've seen her since she came here, and I'm worried that the progesterone might be making her sad.  I'm a little unhappy about this because she also seems much more mentally present, and I think that I'd do just about anything to have her be more "with us" mentally, but I realize that making her sad isn't one of the things I'm willing to do.

This morning she seems back to her regular self.  She spent about forty minutes examining the flowers on her applesauce bowl, very intent and happy.  Then, when I brought her Boost and poured it into her glass, I asked if she wanted me to "take that bowl to the kitchen," and she said, "No. I want to keep it here."

So, I'm a little depressed - just a little - that the progesterone didn't give us the miraculous kind of results that Dr. Lee talked about in his lecture.  But, of course, there's not a good way to know if it was the progesterone cream or if it was something else that made her agitated.  Her leg was hurting worse than usual.   Maybe it was that.  Also, I've been sick, myself, maybe she's just empathizing with me.  Or maybe it was just something in the air, or something she could hear.  Maybe the birds outside were singing a different tune, and she picked up on that.  Who knows?  Everything is so complex, and with Mom, it seems like she changes so much herself.  A thing that was wonderful yesterday is just terrible today.  It seems almost impossible to keep good track of what works and what doesn't.

But, for now, we're going to wait a bit on the progesterone cream and see what happens if I try it again in a few weeks. For sure, in the last couple of days she seemed much more aware of her surroundings, but she also seemed much more aware of her limitations.  If that's all that the cream will do for her brain it isn't worth it.

What do you guys think?

I feel like now, this moment, is what matters with Mommy.  She doesn't have yesterday, at least not in the way that you and I have yesterday.  She might have tomorrow, but she doesn't know how to look forward to that.  But, she's got NOW.   And I want this moment to be a good moment for her as much I can facilitate that.